Should auld acquaintance be forgot ...

New Year's Eve
In preparation for today's prose (yes, I actually prepare sometimes) I looked up the traditional New Year's song ... Auld Lang Syne. I looked it up mostly because I couldn't remember how to spell it and in my world spelling counts. But what I found was pretty cool ... the lyrics. Does anyone actually know the lyrics to this song? I must have sounded like a fool for all these years because I certainly didn't know them! And what language is that?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And auld lang syne?

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet
For auld lang syne!

We twa hae run about the braes,
And pu'd the gowans fine,
But we've wander'd mony a weary fit
Sin auld lang syne.

We twa hae paidl't in the burn
Frae morning sun till dine,
But seas between us braid hae roar'd
Sin auld lang syne.

And there's a hand, my trusty fiere,
And gie's a hand o' thine,
And we'll tak a right guid willie-waught
For auld lang syne!

And surely ye'll be your pint' stowp,
And surely I'll be mine,
And we'll tak a cup o' kindness yet
For auld lang syne!

This night always overwhelms me with nostalgia. Appropriately so based on the lyrics to the traditional song for ringing in the New Year in almost every English speaking country in the world. Auld Lang Syne is about old friends who have parted and meet again. To celebrate their long friendship, they share a drink together and reminisce of memories from long ago. The basic message is that we should not forget our old friends and should celebrate a reunion with them.


Awesome!


I'd like to take a moment and revisit some of the great moments from 2008 ...
Chilihead BBQ, jam sessions, Bogarts, beer pong, Red Sox games, Blues for a Cure, Casty's, The Riv, Cinco de Mayo, Country Idol, after parties, River Rave, stuffed animal porn, Fiesta Pub Crawl, July 4th ice luge, Extreme, Newburyport Music festival, SACO, como esta bitches, firepit, helmet hot, camping in the back yard, NE Bluesfest, passing the liver tests, V-Shaped Groove, pink boas, karaoke cookout, talkin like a pirate, Matt Nathanson, hippos and flip flops, fish hooking, Barkley, NECW wrestling and anything else I may have missed.

Thanks for a great 2008 to my amazing friends. I love you guys!

Holy holiday delivery Batman

I work for a women's clothing catalog and retail company. I work for the catalog side of the business. We have promised our customers their packages as long as they order by 2pm 12/23/08. I'm not sure who's bright idea this was but I can guarantee they do not work anywhere near the distribution center and have ZERO idea what a feat this actually is.
We had close to 90,000 units to package today alone. 90,000!!! Tomorrow we'll add more, bust our asses, work late, deal with higher up management running around like Chicken Little and barking random orders just to make themselves feel important. But we will get all the packages out on time. We always do. It's really going to be challenging tomorrow.
I think I'm feeling a stomach flu setting in!

Christmas Cards

You know how parents send out those picture cards of their kids for Christmas? And some people send them of their pets? Yea, um ... I never seem to make the cut. It usually gets too late or I don't have the funds for stamps (those suckers are expensive these days). Usually we just never get around to it because we're so busy.

This year I swore it would be different. I crack myself up sometimes. Because ... you guessed it!! It's December 21. I have no funds, no picture cards and have come to accept the fact that it isn't going to happen again this year.

So I thought I'd do the next best thing. I'd take some pictures and email the people on my Christmas card address list. I think I have all their email addresses. So I arrive home from work (at the liquor store) with the makings of the perfect Christmas cocktail (that's a whole other blog) and big ambitions. We shovel ... for the second time in two days ... send the boys up to put "nice" clothes on and snap a few photos. Easy, right?

Ha! They complain. I get aggravated. We try to include the dogs. That's a disaster. We give up on the dogs. I make a deal with the boys that we can do their version as well as mine. They perk up. And voila! we actually have some decent shots ...

Not too bad! But here is their version ... they couldn't decide between marshmallow guns ...

Or rockin out with instruments ...

Either way I think they're pretty great. I love them to pieces, they are the greatest kids and we had a good time taking the pictures. And isn't that what it's all about?

Computer glitch

So I cannot get on Facebook. There is some sort of server issue. I'm breathing into a paper bag. The shaking should start any time. I wonder if they have rehab for this kind of thing?

We easily got a foot of snow ... and it's still snowing. We've been trapped in the house for 20 hours but I think we're finally free. The plow guy just left. When you have a 300 foot driveway you'll go without beer and food in order to pay the plow guy.

Well ok ... without food. We certainly weren't without beer last night!



Here's a few pics of the snow ... this is from the porch into the front yard last night.

Back deck ...

Front porch ...

Driveway ... and before you rag on the minivan please note ... I am a Mom and it's the best car I have ever owned! Plus it has a DVD player. So there!

Well, I have to work in a few hours so I'm going to shower. Hopefully I'll be able to check Facebook before I leave. If not ...

Totally random

Today's question ...
You've just inherited a manufacturing plant that specializes in plastics. What are you going to make?

Easy.

Sex toys.

I could elaborate.

Nah!

22 years later

First off … Facebook is the greatest thing ever invented. That guy is a genius. I had been searching for a way to find my long lost friends forever. I felt I needed to but I couldn't figure out how.
Facebook was the tool.
It was so easy. Type in the name … up pop the pictures and before you know it, you’re staring at pictures of your long lost friends from summer camp. For me this was a sort of surreal excursion into my past. I was giddy with excitement after receiving an email reply that said, “Are you kidding? Of course I remember you!” and another “HOLY CRAP!” These people were such an important part of my life … when I was 17. The reasons behind our growing apart and losing touch are probably many … work, college, life, the real world. But I tend to think the most significant of all reasons was the scary boy I dated.
I don’t wish to go into that right now. It’s a very involved and painful story. I will most likely blog about it some day. Just know that he was controlling and manipulative and most of all terrifying. I’m going back to the good place now … close eyes … deep breaths … ok …

So the response that made me giddy was from the cutest, nicest boy in the entire camp (as said so eloquently by EGE). Back in the day that boy was my boyfriend. My camp boyfriend. If you’ve ever had experience with a camp boyfriend you know that it can be very intense. You spend a lot of time together. The environment is structured yet you have freedoms you wouldn’t have in a “home” setting. And back then the cutest, nicest boy in the entire camp was truly the sweetest nicest boy in the world.
Fast forward to present time … after a 40 minute phone conversation … he still is. It sounds as if he has a great life, an awesome son, a super girlfriend, a great condo and a good job. He sounds exactly the same. You can hear the smile in his voice. And he sounds happy.
But this rant is not about that. It’s about this wave of emotion that has overtaken me since making contact. Please allow me to explain …

I stayed in touch with the cutest, nicest boy in the entire camp for some time after camp ended. I would drive out to see him on weekends and we remained close. But as long distance relationships usually do … it ended. Not with dramatic conclusion … it just ended ... although my feelings never changed. I graduated from high school and got a job. No more summer camp for me. Ouch. But the summer of 1987 was upon me and I missed my friends from camp. My three besties were still there … the cutest, nicest boy in the entire camp, Squidd and EGE. So I contacted someone in the camp and planned to drive out after work and surprise them. I arrived dressed in my nice work clothes, met the contact person (I have zero recollection of who that may be) and trekked through the woods to the campfire. I couldn’t wait to see them all but especially the cutest, nicest boy in the entire camp.
It was late. The kids had probably gone off to their cabins and bed.
I could hear the laughing and singing. I was nervous.
The fire glowed through the trees. I was excited.
I could hear the crackle as the flame seared the seasoned wood.
Then just as I emerged from the passageway through the forest … I saw them. I saw the cutest, nicest boy in the entire camp sitting with his arms around the girl in front of him.
A girl I recognized. A girl I knew.
I saw him sitting with his arms around her the way he had sat with me. And I felt my heart drop into the pit of my stomach where it broke into a billion tiny pieces.
I wanted to turn and run. I wanted to leave immediately but I had just arrived. I felt awkward. I felt out of place. I felt like an outsider. I felt like I no longer belonged to this exclusive club like somehow I betrayed the group by not coming back to camp that summer. And the cutest, nicest boy in the entire camp never even got up to hug me or give me any kind of a special hello. My heart was broken … shattered.

And I had forgotten that feeling until now.

It sounds crazy. I know. He was no longer my camp boyfriend. I wasn't even at camp. I had no expectations of a reunion. It's been 22 years. That's a looooooong time. But there really is something to the saying, "people may not remember exactly what you said or what you did but they will always remember how you made them feel." Part of me thinks I need to tell him. The other thinks that's foolish. Where is this coming from? Have I really been carrying this around in my head for 22 years? Whew! I need therapy! Perhaps its closure I seek? Maybe I just want him to know that he … excuse me … they broke my heart that day? I know it was not intentional. I know there was no malice in these actions. And I know that the cutest, nicest boy in the entire camp would have never ever hurt me that way intentionally. He is ... I mean ... um ... was after all the cutest, nicest boy in the entire camp.

Yet still 22 years later …

Random Question

This Random Question feature will never work for me. I just go on too long to ever answer one of these in 400 or less characters. I mean seriously ... it's not made for people like me.

So maybe I will do it like this? My life isn't exciting enough to come up with new stuff everyday. I applaud those who do and can keep their audience captive. Yes, I'm talking about you EGE!

Today's random question ...
What would you name your ballet inspired by the sight of children leaping through a garden sprinkler?

Ballet is really not my thing. I mean don't get me wrong I enjoy The Nutcracker. It always amazes me that people can do those things with their bodies ... and be that fit. But children leaping through a sprinkler? That doesn't even make me think of ballet. It makes me think of summer and giggling ... heck, all out belly laughing. And it makes me think of laundry.

It also makes me suddenly think of Hobo Hikes and Chimney Corners Camp. I was the leader of the Hobo Hikes on nasty rainy summer days when other camp activities were suspended. I mean who wants to take riding lessons on a wet smelly horse in the pouring rain? Well besides me ... and a few other crazy people I know ... um ... no one. That's right!

What is a Hobo Hike you may ask? Well, it's putting on your old clothes and trekking through the woods and fields splashing in puddles and rolling in the mud ... (breathe) ... all the while singing silly camp songs and doing goofy things. Kind of like Follow the Leader camp style. It was a blast!

So did I totally skirt the question at hand?

Yup. Deal.

Compilation

I have been writing for years. I posted some things on my MySpace page mostly because I never knew this was here. I'm going to transfer my old blogs here ... just because. I'll do my best to keep them in order - oldest to newest. Happy reading! I should make one statement before you read on ... boys are stupid.

12/31/07 ~ Integrity
The measure of a man's real character is what he would do if he knew he never would be found out. ~Thomas Babington Macaulay

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. ~Mark Twain

We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger. ~Tad Williams

Take responsibility for your actions and own your words.

Honesty implies a refusal to lie, steal, or deceive in any way. Honor suggests an active or anxious regard for the standards of one's position. Integrity implies trustworthiness and incorruptibility to a degree that one is incapable of being false to a trust, responsibility, or pledge.

Your honor and integrity is what gets you through life. It gives you credibility. That's very important. Without it you are nothing. When you tell the truth you never have to worry about getting caught. You never worry about saying the wrong thing, covering your tracks or getting the story straight.

Lying is never alright. Never.

01/07/08 ~ Choice
The boys and I watched Spiderman 3 this weekend. There is a line from that movie that caught my attention. It goes something like this ...

We always have a choice. It's the choices that make us who we are. And we can always choose to do what's right"

I don't always make the right choice. I make mistakes. But I'm confident that even in those times I've made a poor decision and done something that may not have been the best choice ... I've never done something to intentionally hurt someone, especially those I care about. I can look myself in the mirror and know that I'm a good person and a great friend. I'm someone my children can look to and be proud. And every day I teach them with the actions I take and the choices I make.

So I ask ... Who do you want to be? The choice is yours.

01/29/08
in·tu·i·tion 1 : quick and ready insight 2 a : immediate apprehension or cognition b : knowledge or conviction gained by intuition c : the power or faculty of attaining to direct knowledge or cognition without evident rational thought and inference.

All women have it. Some are more in touch with it than others. As you grow up and gain more experiences you learn to trust your gut. You trust that "feeling" you get when something just doesn't seem right. So when you think a guy may be lying about something … you've felt intuition. Trust it.

Guy definitions rarely match ours. Lots of guys will say what they think you want to hear in order to get what they want. Being deceitful is the same as lying. And if he will lie to one girl he will lie to them all. People lie because they are afraid. But what is it they are afraid of is the real question?

Don't be naïve. Trust your intuition. It was given to you for a reason ... to protect yourself from heartache. There are always two sides to every story. And plenty going on behind the scenes.

And sometimes taking your own advice is the hardest thing to do.


03/17/08 ~ A quote from "Dan in Real Life"
... whenever you’re near this person, you don’t know what to say, and you say everything that’s in your mind and in your heart, and you know that if you could just be together, that this person would help you become the best possible version of yourself ...

Interesting ...

03/20/08
The Rules: Once you have been tagged, write a blog with ten strange/random facts or habits about you. When you are done, pick ten people to be tagged. List their names.

Random/Strange Facts about me
1. I am terrified of spiders. Not just afraid … terrified. I once jumped over my desk at work to get away from a spider on the wall. And if they are too big I cannot kill them. I need to call for backup!
2. I only have half of the eyelashes on my left eyelid. They fell out after radiation therapy and never grew back. It's been just about a year. I don't think they're coming back.
3. I cannot wink. Don't know how. Never learned.
4. I am never late for anything. Ever.
5. I cry at Bon Jovi shows (stop laughing!!). Not like bawling, gasping for breath crying … just tears. My eyes fill up and tears usually escape and run down my face. It overwhelms me with happiness when they come out onto the stage. I know … I'm retarded.
6. I once snuck out of my house as a teenager. I climbed from my window to the porch roof but then was too afraid to jump. I was trapped up there for at least an hour before I figured out how to get back into the house. I never got caught.
7. I'm afraid of heights. Hence not being able to jump from the roof. See number 6. The Ferris wheel at any amusement park is my worst nightmare.
8. I have weird idiosyncrasies with food. I don't like raw onions. Not because of the taste but because of they way they feel in my mouth. I feel the same way about shrimp and lobster tail. I like ketchup on pizza. I like mayo on french fries. I like potato chips with peanut butter. I never drank coffee until I was 37 years old.
9. I only eat one thing at a time. I do not mix food in my mouth. For example, if I am eating a turkey sandwich with chips and pickles … I eat the sandwich, then the pickles, then the chips. At no time would I mix these in my mouth. I have no idea why. I've always been this way.
10. When I hang out with my friend Sherri we tend to talk to each other in crazy voices. Even our kids think we are crazy … I can only imagine what the people all around us think. We constantly quote comedians such as Dane Cook, Chris Rock, Larry the Cable Guy, and Eddie Murphy. We also quote movies. We talk to each others kids as if they are our own. People who observe us must think the boys have "two moms". We find this funny and have no problem walking through a store holding hands in order to horrify the kids.

07/02/08 ~ Class
Class is not just something you sit through in school. It's not just the division of economic stature. Class is class. Some people have it. Some people don't.

Class is a funny thing. You don't have to be sophisticated and stuffy to be classy. You don't have to be wealthy. Some of the classiest people I know don't have money or prestige. What you do need to show class is respect for yourself. People with class tend to have morals and ethics. They treat each other they way they expect to be treated. They portray themselves in a positive manner to the world.

The funniest thing to me about people with class and people with no class is the people with class were usually raised that way. It's just who they are. And the people lacking class usually have no idea they are trash. But everyone else sees it and treats them accordingly.

Funny thing.

11/07/08 ~ Something
There is something in the way you look at me. Across the crowd. A wink and a smile meant just for me. A hug that is just a little too tight and lingers a little too long. A drink and some laughs. A shoulder to lean on. Someone to listen. Advice when solicited. Rescuing from a spider or a smoke alarm. Friendship that means everything. And could grow into so much more. Being the good guy when you know you don't have to. A kiss felt in my toes. Those lips. That kiss. And dreams.

I have cancer

I'm not writing this for pity. I'm not writing this so you worry. I'm not writing this to illicit your well wishes or concerns. I am writing this for informational purposes only. And I am writing this for me.

In March 2007 I was diagnosed with an Intraocular Choroidal Melanoma in my left eye. In North America six out of a million people are diagnosed with this each year. Only six ... in a million. I'm one of the "lucky" ones. It's a malignant tumor that grows inside the eye. The tumor was found as part of a routine eye exam (stop reading and schedule your eye exam now). I had 20/20 vision but had not been to the eye doctor in many years so I made an appointment and went. The only symptom I had was some floaties in my eye that seemed a bit out of the ordinary. Everyone said floaties were normal yet I was worried that I needed glasses ... ha!Intraocular Choroidal Melanoma is treated a few different ways depending on the size of your tumor and who your doctor is. Luckily I live near Boston and was able to see the world's most renowned specialist on this exact diagnosis. Dr. Gragoudas developed one of the treatments for this cancer 30 years ago.

I had surgery in April 2007 to suture tiny metal clips onto my eye around the perimeter of my tumor. These clips can be seen by x-ray but I will not set off the metal detector in the airport. These clips were placed in order to set a “target” for the Proton Beam radiation to directly hit the tumor. After a short recovery period I went to Mass General for five straight days for treatment. My face was placed in a mask made especially for me. My head was strapped into a machine that looked like a medieval torture device. My eyes were propped open with eyelid clips and it was extremely important I kept my eye completely still as the beam was shot into the tumor for what seemed like and hour (it was in fact minutes).This treatment for me was mostly painless with a few side effects … a radiation burn on my eyelid (it’s healed quite nicely) … and the loss of half the eyelashes on my left eye (they are never coming back). I have lost some vision in my left eye. I get blurry sometimes. I occasionally get headaches, floaties and flashes of light but the alternative makes it worth it.

This cancer can spread (metastasis). The most common cases are found in the liver or lungs. Luckily only 2% of patients are found to have their melanomas spread to other parts of their body at the time diagnosis of their eye tumor. The size of the tumor is the most important predictor of a patient's risk for metastatic melanoma (spreading to other parts of the body). My tumor was medium in size. I have been tested for a year now with no signs … 4 more years to go in order to be considered no longer at risk.

I wrote the following paragraph in April 2007. I was dealing with the diagnosis and what it meant to me. I learned a lot from my father when he was sick. He taught me how to be strong yet compassionate. He taught me how to turn adversity into opportunity. He taught me how to fight ... even though he didn't win. My Dad taught me to never give up. My strength comes from my kids, my family and friends. I make it through each day surrounded by the people I love. Thanks for reading.

“I have cancer. It's difficult to get my arms around that fact. I'm too young. I'm a single mom. I have kids who need me. I am never sick. I am never down. And even when I'm sad I find laughter. Then sometimes out of no where it hits me … I have cancer. How can that be? There are so many things I need to do. There are so many places I want to see. And there are so many important events planned for the future. I have cancer. That sure puts life in a different perspective. My job sure doesn't seem as important as it was just a few short weeks ago. Spending time with my children, playing in the rain, going on adventures and just being silly all seem much more important than working for this clothing company. My friends, my family … that's what means the most. I have cancer. And I have a positive outlook. I am strong but I am afraid. Terrified. Sometimes I lay alone in my bed in the dark and cry. I have cancer and the unknown is frightening. Overwhelming. It makes me feel vulnerable and unsure when usually I am confident and strong. Waiting and wondering is arduous. The five year mark is a big one they say … well I'm at week four. I have a long way to go. I have cancer but cancer doesn't have me.”