A little too late

Hey! I feel like I haven't written in quite a while. And I guess I haven't. I won't make excuses here but I'll just let you know that I met a new boy. He's pretty great. It's WAY too soon to tell if there is anything there. However, he's the first guy in a long time that made me even consider a hint of possibility of a relationship and ... I'm afraid to say it ... a future. But I'm not writing about him today. In fact I'm writing about an entirely different person.

I find it funny that as soon as I tell "Jon" (names changed to protect ... oh, who am I kidding) about the new guy he starts acting like he did when we first met. Jon and I met two years ago. We spent a lot of time together in the beginning and developed real feelings for each other. We met each others friends and he met my family but I never met his. It has always bothered me and is the one and only reason our friendship never developed into more. There is a 15 year age difference between Jon and I ... and I'm older. So he has this fear of introducing me to his family. In his (immature, young and stupid) mind they would not accept our relationship. He can't be swayed to think differently. So we determined that we'd still be friends but were free to pursue other opportunities. He takes full advantage of his opportunities and I'm quite a bit more selective about who I spend my time with.

I am a huge fan of trust and honesty. I share openly and expect my friends to do the same. So after talking to the new guy for a few weeks and meeting in person a couple times it's time to tell Jon about the potential. The look on his face is one of surprise and hurt but honestly I cannot concern myself with it. He says he's OK with things. Then suddenly he begins to act different. He sends me emails more often. He calls. He asks about me and my day. He shows concern for my safety during a snow storm. And why all of this is nice it is the most annoying thing that could happen at this time. I don't want this. I gave you two years worth of chances. I'm done. My feelings are changed. I am clear headed. It's too late. I'm sorry.

As far as the new guy ... I'll keep you posted!

Trust issues

MySpace surveys are an addiction of mine. As silly as it may be a good survey can amuse me during a boring work day. And some of my friends are quite funny with their answers. Every now and then the question is raised, “do you have trust issues?”
Well …

You see I don’t have the typical trust issue of trusting no one ... completely the opposite. I trust EVERYONE! I expect people to do the right thing and it continuously bites me in the ass. I see the good in people even when they haven’t figured it out yet.

My parents raised me to be honest and treat people the way I’d want to be treated. My father was an amazing man. He could turn any situation positive with kindness and attitude. Everyone loved him. I strive to be just like that and I give my all to those people close to me.

I am disappointed again and again because most other people don’t think this way. I’m not a fool, delusional or naïve I just trust that people … good people … will do what is right. Why is that so difficult?

One of my favorites ...

I was cleaning out my files and found this poem. I love it. It's really one of my favorites so I thought I'd share ...

The Want of You

The Want of you is like no other thing;
It smites my soul with sudden sickening;
It binds my being with a wreath of rue -
This want of you.

It flashes on me with the waking sun;
It creeps upon me when the day is done;
It hammers at my heart the long night through -
This want of you.

It sighs within me with the misting skies;
Oh, all the day within my heart it cries.
Old as your absence, yet each moment new -
This want of you.

Mad with demand and aching with despair,
It leaps within my heart and you are - where?
God has forgotten, or He never knew -
This want of you.

-Ivan Leonard Wright

Boyfriend??

I hear it all the time … "You're boyfriend is so great!"

"Um … well, he's not technically my boyfriend," is my practiced response to which I always receive looks of surprise and wonder. My best friend said (in her sarcastic way) … "Really? Well, someone should tell you guys because you sure act like boyfriend/girlfriend."

She made me think … what does it actually mean … boyfriend? It's meant different things throughout my life in different situations. The literal definition of boyfriend is a frequent or regular male companion in a romantic or sexual relationship.
OK … we've got that. So he can be considered my "boyfriend" … can't he? If it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck … it's a damn duck! He is my boyfriend.

Or is that definition lacking something? Can you be considered boyfriend/girlfriend with out an expressed level of commitment and exclusivity?
No … I guess you really can't. So he's not my boyfriend.

Can that commitment be implied by action? I'm not sure. What does it all mean? Our relationship is beyond casual dating but we are not committed and exclusive. Love? I don't know. Fear is a powerful thing. We've been together for close to two years with no forward progress towards a future. Yet we speak every day. He's become a very important part of my life. And I'm an important part of his.

But the point of this blog was to define what a boyfriend is. So tell me … what does boyfriend mean to you?

I'll be waiting …

TMI

I've been trying to sort out my thoughts for days. For once there is TOO much going on in there. None of it makes any sense. I can't sort it out enough to write anything coherent or amusing. I can't write anything actually. I have the Twilight series on my mind messing up the balance. It's like crack. And I'm an addict. I'm sure it doesn't hurt that I have the brain of a 20 year old girl. Vampire love stories. Does it get any better than that?
So I'm trying ... and failing ... but I'll keep trying. Stay tuned.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot ...

New Year's Eve
In preparation for today's prose (yes, I actually prepare sometimes) I looked up the traditional New Year's song ... Auld Lang Syne. I looked it up mostly because I couldn't remember how to spell it and in my world spelling counts. But what I found was pretty cool ... the lyrics. Does anyone actually know the lyrics to this song? I must have sounded like a fool for all these years because I certainly didn't know them! And what language is that?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And auld lang syne?

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet
For auld lang syne!

We twa hae run about the braes,
And pu'd the gowans fine,
But we've wander'd mony a weary fit
Sin auld lang syne.

We twa hae paidl't in the burn
Frae morning sun till dine,
But seas between us braid hae roar'd
Sin auld lang syne.

And there's a hand, my trusty fiere,
And gie's a hand o' thine,
And we'll tak a right guid willie-waught
For auld lang syne!

And surely ye'll be your pint' stowp,
And surely I'll be mine,
And we'll tak a cup o' kindness yet
For auld lang syne!

This night always overwhelms me with nostalgia. Appropriately so based on the lyrics to the traditional song for ringing in the New Year in almost every English speaking country in the world. Auld Lang Syne is about old friends who have parted and meet again. To celebrate their long friendship, they share a drink together and reminisce of memories from long ago. The basic message is that we should not forget our old friends and should celebrate a reunion with them.


Awesome!


I'd like to take a moment and revisit some of the great moments from 2008 ...
Chilihead BBQ, jam sessions, Bogarts, beer pong, Red Sox games, Blues for a Cure, Casty's, The Riv, Cinco de Mayo, Country Idol, after parties, River Rave, stuffed animal porn, Fiesta Pub Crawl, July 4th ice luge, Extreme, Newburyport Music festival, SACO, como esta bitches, firepit, helmet hot, camping in the back yard, NE Bluesfest, passing the liver tests, V-Shaped Groove, pink boas, karaoke cookout, talkin like a pirate, Matt Nathanson, hippos and flip flops, fish hooking, Barkley, NECW wrestling and anything else I may have missed.

Thanks for a great 2008 to my amazing friends. I love you guys!

Holy holiday delivery Batman

I work for a women's clothing catalog and retail company. I work for the catalog side of the business. We have promised our customers their packages as long as they order by 2pm 12/23/08. I'm not sure who's bright idea this was but I can guarantee they do not work anywhere near the distribution center and have ZERO idea what a feat this actually is.
We had close to 90,000 units to package today alone. 90,000!!! Tomorrow we'll add more, bust our asses, work late, deal with higher up management running around like Chicken Little and barking random orders just to make themselves feel important. But we will get all the packages out on time. We always do. It's really going to be challenging tomorrow.
I think I'm feeling a stomach flu setting in!